The language we use is important in establishing effective communication with children

Cyprus International University (CIU) Faculty of Education Academic Staff Assoc. Prof. Dr. Çağla Gür, reminded that parents who constantly give warnings to their children in an effort to correct their mistakes, need to be careful, and went on to advise, "parents who are constantly supervising, express what they dislike or constantly give warnings, are not applying an effective method in changing unwanted behavior in their children”.

Stating that many families complain that they cannot get their children to listen to them, Gür advised that the language used in expressing children's mistakes is important.

Indicating that parents at times use accusatory language when giving warnings, Gür went on to say, “if our sentences are accusatory, then the accused spends their power on self-defense. This situation sets a child-parent conflict environment. However, instead of blaming the child of situations that are found as negative, it would be more effective to emphasize the behavior”.

Underlining that bringing the negative behavior to the forefront does not explain exactly what is desired, Gür noted that descriptively explaining according to the child’s age and level, the reason for the situation while giving examples where necessary, would be more meaningful, conveying how they could be acting instead.

Explaining that expressing the problem “as complaining” is not an effective method of warning, Gür said, “What we say when using this approach loses its effect. After some time, the child either chooses to behave as if nothing has happened or may try to distance themselves from the environment”.

Constantly supervised children begin to hide what they do from their parents.

Drawing attention to the fact that some parents adopt a constantly supervising or fault-finding position, Gür elaborated that such a situation causes children to hide what they do from their parents and due to the concern of not being accepted or loved, will begin to stop opening up to their parents.

Expressing that the children always want to know that their parents are behind them when they need it, Gür stated, “This does not mean that parents will approve of everything the child does. It is more efficient to explain the reason for the inappropriate situation, to emphasize the behavior and not the person, evaluating the options together and to analyze the causes and results together".

Drawing attention to the importance of effective communication with a child, Gür said that eye contact during communication, spending quality time with the child, and listening to them effectively without interruption, are important for good communication.